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Safety Jokes 1

Short safety jokes and one liners

What, When and How
Q: When does a person decide to become a Safety Manager?   
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do safety Managers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities
Q: How can you tell an extroverted safety Manager?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your safety shoes instead of his own
Two Kinds
There are two kinds of Safety Guys, those that know the law and those that know the judge
Safety Managers:
Persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief.” -- Franz Kafka
Any time a Safety Manager is seen but not heard, it’s a shame to wake him
Word Processor
Have you heard about the Safety Managers’ word processor? >> No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
Wine Cellar
What do you get if you put 100 Safety Managers in your basement? >> A whine cellar.
How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future Safety Manager? >> She has an extreme craving for baloney.
How Many
How many Safety Managers can you place on the point of a needle? >> Ten, if you make them stand on their heads.
How many Safety Managers does it take to screw in a light bulb? >> One: the Safety Manager holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.
What do Safety Managers and sperm have in common? >> Only one in two million ever does anything worthwhile.

What do you call a Safety Manager gone bad? >> A Politician

What do you get when you cross a librarian with a Safety Manager? >> All the information you need—but you can’t understand a word of it.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a Safety Manager? >> An offer you can't understand.
What is the definition of a Safety Manager? >> A mouth with a life-support system.

What's the difference between a Safety Manager and a vampire? >> Vampires only suck blood at night.

What’s the difference between a Safety Manager and a boxing referee? >> A boxing referee doesn’t get paid extra for a longer fight.

What’s the difference between God and a Safety Manager? >> God doesn’t think he’s a Safety Manager.