The Maintenance Man
Wherever you live, there may be a need for the maintenance man to
visit and make sure everything in your house is working just right.
But whether it be the cable guy, the plumber, the electrician -
whomever - you must stand your ground! Be prepared at all times, and
you will manage to stay alive.
If possible, when scouting for a home, find one that will never be
visited by a maintenance person. This will ensure 100% privacy and
safety in your household. If you must live in a home where service
representatives are admitted, please read on.
To prepare for maintenance man visits gone wrong, study as many
martial arts styles as necessary.
Before the maintenance man arrives, hide all the valuables in your
home. This may be time-consuming and ridiculously unnecessary. But
this process guarantees that the maintenance man won't walk out with
a bowling trophy, family picture, Egyptian artifact, or even the
remote control from your television set.
When a maintenance man arrives at your door, have the chain lock on
your door intact. Open the door and ask him for his driver's
license, Social Security card, birth certificate, employee ID/badge,
and if necessary, more.
When he enters your home, don't panic. If he notices your teeth
chattering or your limbs shaking, he will realize your fear. This
makes you an easy target as his next possible murder victim.
Do not touch or make eye contact with the maintenance man. He could
be carrying dangerous germs that can kill without warning. Politely
decline a handshake if it's offered, and say "it's against your
Turn off the radio and the television when the maintenance man
arrives. These devices serve as potential distractions. This is not
his home, and it needs not be treated so. Besides, he has other jobs
for the day.
Before he begins working, inspect and approve every tool he will be
using. Ask exactly what he is doing and how each tool is used. Sure,
his tools may be weapons, but at least you know he won't be building
Supervise the maintenance man's work at a distance farther than he
can reach you. Do not make conversation with him unless it's
strictly related to the work he is providing.
Have a camcorder handy to film the maintenance man's work. Document
your recordings in detail and store them in a safe place. These will
be useful in fraud cases when you take the maintenance man to court.
Document all maintenance man appointments. Keep the date, time,
notes of the service, and most importantly, the maintenance man's
name. The most efficient way to store this information is to buy a
computer and the Microsoft Excel spreadsheet software.