Signs You Hired the Wrong Fireworks Expert

- Business card reads, "Sponsored by St. Luke's Burn Unit."

- His degree, from the Wile E. Coyote Demolition Academy, is an *honorary* degree.

- His grand finale involves pork & beans and a Bic lighter.

- The punk he keeps trying to light has orange hair and a nose ring.

- Asks if he should shoot off Quaker Puffed Rice or Oats when the 1812 Overture begins.

- Tied a monkey to a skyrocket "so's I can get me a grant from NASA!"

- He wants to know if he can "borrow" your dog for the finale.

- Insists on humming the "Mission Impossible" theme every time he lights a fuse.

and the Number 1 Sign You Hired The Wrong Fireworks Expert...

 - For kicks, sticks roman candle in nose and chases kids around.