A man walks into a Essex pet shop looking to buy a monkey.

The shop owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly and safe natural mini-habitats.

“The one on the left costs £500,” says the shop owner.

“Why so much?” asks the customer.

“Because it has a NEBOSH certificate,” answers the shop owner.

The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, “That one costs £1500. “Because it has a Diploma 1&2,” answers the shop owner.

The startled man then asks about the third monkey.

“That one costs £3000,” answers the shop owner.

“3000 pounds!!” exclaims the man. “What can that one do?”

To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant.”

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